


The Art of letting go

by cloudsrain



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Falling Out of Love, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 05:13:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15211973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudsrain/pseuds/cloudsrain
Summary: Did you ever fell out of love?





	The Art of letting go

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language so sorry if I make any mistakes ;;  
> and thank you for reading

You sat across from me yet it felt like a wall was between our bodies, our minds.  
It wasn’t much. It wasn’t much.  
You see me yet also don’t try to do so, you also see my body not my soul and heart.  
Dare I move my head so you move yours to the opposite side like a clock we both work, tick tock, tick tock, its the only sound that captures our minds.  
I believe we never really meant to be.  
It wasn’t much. It wasn’t much.  
I believe we never really clicked in the first place.  
,,What’s wrong?’’, you asked me once in a while, after you come back from god knows where and I don’t respond. And you don’t care.  
What is wrong with us? You never seem to know.  
We’re just here to be a clock, a shiny weather scenario that protects the storm inside the clouds.  
And now we’re sitting like robots, you seemingly drum and I, seemingly done.  
I want out. I want freedom and the taste of air in my lungs that only know black from you.  
,,You never told me’’, I hear the whisper, from your direction and I don’t know what to say.  
It was only yesterday where you hugged me and asked me for a nice, innocent date, watching some movies together, something cheesy, something fun.  
I wish the time would go back to this.  
You always hold me when I am cold and seem to be lost in the world, where did the loving go?  
Now I look at you, straight in the eye and I only see the man who took me and choked my words inside a dimmed cage.  
I am so tired of you, was for months, yet I love you, since years and I see no ends to this lost world.  
You hand seems to move to my cheek, my dry naked skin, illuminated in the shine of the natural night lamps, the stars, the moon.  
,,Do you love me?’’ , and my body froze and the world with it.  
All the memories we had, all the time we liked to spend – It did get tiring, didn’t it?  
,, I do’’, I say, my voice a mare breeze in the darkroom, our naked bodies only covered with one dark cloth, with one dark blanket.  
I wish I was lying, yet you made me lose my head to you.  
To me, you are King and your little smile seemed to make my heart go numb.  
I need to leave.  
,, I love you’’, you smile down at me, hold my small face, stroke all the hair away from it, to look me in my eyes, in my eyes, who are lying to you.  
I need to go.  
,, I love you too’’  
And you seal the broken promise, pressing your lips to mine and it taste false, it taste weird, it taste bad, bad, bad.

 

Waking up in your arms, always felt like heaven opened up, and my sins where never serious to begin with.  
I, as slowly as possible, took your arm that hold me near your naked chest and put it away from my sight to sit up.  
I didn’t look at you when I made my mind and stood up to put all my clothes in a bag, my toothbrush, my licence, my life, I took it with me as I dressed up nicely to look up at the clock on the bathroom.  
3 AM.  
You always slept so deeply deep in your mind, never going back to reality until the clock decides otherwise and I am lucky and grateful for that.  
One look at the mirror and one last Goodbye before I put my black shoes in the dark, not lighted floor.  
I don’t say goodbye to you to your face, because I know that it would’ve never come to that.  
I only say goodbye to the memories we made.  
With small steps I go to my car, start it after putting the bag next to me only to see the light in your room to light up.  
Panic start to flow in my veins, makes me hear the rush, makes me taste it, yet it doesn’t come to anything but.  
Then you put it out.  
I don’t look back again after I started to drive, back to my family to see them again, to tell them I am so sorry to being so stupid and falling for traps that caged my heart for nearly two years, that I realised I am back and don’t need you to breath.  
The cause of concern shallowed me whole when I realised that they may not take me back, that I am too stupid in their brains, that I should’ve stay with you.  
I stopped the car at some park to phone my mother, to calm my anxiety for at least a bit.  
,,Hello Mo-’’ - I tried to talk to her nicely, then its 3 AM after all, almost 4 Am and she still took the phone to talk, she still is okay with me talking and I am so grateful, so so grateful -  
Then I hear the first sob, and the second. The third I join in, covering my dry and swollen lips with my shaking hands as my eyes fill up with salty water, that drips down my cheek to my hands.  
,,Ah’’, her voice cracks and it reminds me how I talked to him once.  
,, My little one’’ . And I break down.

 

Days, Weeks later I lay down on the couch, my mother at the kitchen making something only parents would do, with their tiny smile.  
I watch her prepare the dinner table and I am so happy to be here again.  
I am happier yet still addicted to you and you know it, don’t you?  
My phone vibrates and I ignore it again, after standing up to help her.  
I forget it exists when I try to be the son she always wanted.  
Only after the dinner I look up at it, to see an Unknown Number.

 

‘’Goodbye Baekhyun’’, it says.


End file.
